Astoreth does Ferelden Part 3: Lothering
by Natmonkey
Summary: Follow Astoreth as she traipses through Ferelden and shares her thoughts and wonders. In this instalment: Lothering, where our heroine does some serious bonding over frothing tankards of ale.
1. Dumb Bandits

_Lothering, where many exciting things happen. I didn't think I could come up with any interesting bits for this chapter, but what do you know? I actually did. _

* * *

Our way is blocked by many boxes and overturned carts. Among them are several men, diligently scavenging what they can. "Wake up, gentlemen! More travellers to attend to," one of them speaks in a jovial voice as he approaches us. "I'd guess the pretty one is the leader."

Apparently he means me. This day is just full of surprises.

Another joins the first speaker. "Er, they don't look like them others, you know." Well, he doesn't sound very bright. And that's putting it mildly. "Uh... maybe we should let these ones pass..."

"Nonsense!" Mister Jovial grins widely. "Greetings, travellers!"

"Highwaymen," Alistair mutters behind me.

Thieves, hmm? I promptly whack the eloquent one on the head with my staff. "I don't need any of this crap right now!" When he screams and grabs his head, I whack him again. "I'm hungry, tired and cranky, so do you really want to mess with me? _Well, do you_?" Whack, whack, whack! Great fun!

"_What are you all standing around for?_" the man screams at his lackeys. "Get this crazy woman away from me!"

The four or so fools come running to help their leader. Oh, they have no idea who they're dealing with. Time to let off some steam.

* * *

"Ah, Lothering. Pretty as a painting," Alistair says, gesturing at the village before us. Those idiots were easily despatched. And by despatched I mean killed. Useless bastards, preying on fugitives. They deserved what they got. My fellow Warden sounds a little better than he did before. It was Morrigan's idea to come to this village.

After the Joining, I was asked to join some meeting with the king and his father-in-law, teyrn Loghain. While the other Grey Wardens were going to ride into battle, Alistair and I were stuck with lighting a beacon in the Tower of Ishal to signal the teyrn's troops to join the fray. Of course there was much whining from Alistair, who desperately wanted to fight too. Eventually, we got to fight more than at least I bargained for.

The Tower was overrun with darkspawn and at the very top, an ogre awaited us. Yes, an ogre. A big, mean, drooling ogre. I nearly got killed fighting it, but I kept going despite the injuries because somehow it felt like someone was cheering me on. The tainted blood must've made me crazier than I already was. Anyway, we lit the beacon and were subsequently overwhelmed by more darkspawn.

Then I woke up in that hut in the Wilds, with Morrigan keeping me company. She told me the teyrn had abandoned the field and that the king and his troops, including the Wardens, were slaughtered. Apparently her mother had saved us and healed our wounds. Of course, being as attached to Duncan as Alistair was, he took the news of his death very badly. Poor thing. I wanted to try and comfort him, but with Morrigan present... She would only make suggestive comments about us and we'd all start fighting, and people would die, we'd get in trouble and so on.

Can you imagine that Alistair and I are the only Grey Wardens left in all of Ferelden? I'd say this country is doomed. But we still have those treaties and we will use them to raise an army and get rid of this pesky Blight. Even Morrigan's mother, who turned out to be none other than the legendary Flemeth (or so the crazy old bat claims), thought it was important and gave us Morrigan. Yes, she gave her daughter to us as if she was gifting us with new shoes or something.

I swear, the constant bickering that's going on between her and Alistair will drive me insane someday. Those two can't stand each other. Actually, our lovely witch can't stand me either. If it weren't for her good looks, she wouldn't have much going for her. Apart from her gift of magic, of course. The girl's never been part of the Circle, being an apostate and all. Just wild and free in the Korcari Wilds. I think I actually like the tower better than the Wilds, but that might just be me.

On the way to Lothering, I met a familiar face. It was the dog that I helped cure back at Ostagar. I think he remembers me. He even insisted on coming with us, earning me some complaining from Morrigan (I often think of her as Witch of the Whines, ha-ha). I named him Stubbs on account of his stubby little tail and he seems to like it. At least, he barked happily and wagged his tail. Since then he's been bringing me gifts, of sorts. The first present was a damaged old cake with dog drool stuck to it. I gave it to Alistair who actually was quite happy with it for some unknown reason. Maybe he likes dog drool? Then he brought me a pair of muddy pantaloons and some things that were actually quite useful, like herbs. Stubbs likes cuddling with me too, such a good boy.

And now we're here in Lothering to stock up on supplies and rest. But first, we should make up our minds of where to start searching for allies. Alistair suggested we go see arl Eamon of Redcliffe, the man who took him in when his mother died and still has all his soldiers, since he was too late to join the battle at Ostagar. It felt like I was being zapped when I saw one of the treaties was for the Circle. This means I might be able to see Cullen again. Scratch that 'might', I will see him again even if I have to kick, swear and scream to make it happen.

But beforehand though, we will go to Redcliffe. It's slightly closer to here than the tower is, so it makes sense. Besides, I have a little problem I have to get sorted out, but I should ask Morrigan about it. She seems wise.


	2. Just Start Talking

_The bonding begins. A little change here too, concerning ser Jory's death. _

* * *

"So Alistair, I was thinking you might want to talk about Duncan." I look at my fellow Warden from the corner of my eye as we're sitting on the floor of the inn. There's not a table left for us to sit at. Morrigan and Leliana are out doing something else, because I asked them to leave us alone. The witch even dared to make some suggestive comment about us. Humph, the nerve.

"No." He looks and sounds as gloomy as ever, staring at his hands.

"Come on, you might feel better." I get a little closer to him and wrap my arm around his shoulders. First he freezes, but then gives in and rests his head against my shoulder.

"You don't have to do that. I know you didn't know him as long as I did." He utters a long-drawn sigh. Stubbs, whose head is resting on my thigh, whines softly. I pat his strong back, making him pant happily.

"So? That doesn't mean I didn't care about him. He saved me, you know. Without him I could've been dead as a doornail." I fail to suppress a shudder. "Or imprisoned in Aeonar."

"What was it you did again? You helped a mage escape the Circle, was it?" It would seem my colleague's sadness is temporarily replaced with curiosity. Good.

"Yes, well, my friend asked me to help him and his girl escape. She was going to take vows of chastity for the Chantry and he was to be made tranquil. So off we went to destroy his phylactery, but we got caught. And then he revealed his true colours." I pause. Thinking of this kind of takes me back. I miss Jowan; he's been my friend for most of my life. What would he be doing right now? I hope he's all right.

"That sounds rather ominous," Alistair says with eagerness in his voice.

"Turns out my friend had been dabbling in blood magic. He used it to incapacitate the ones that caught us and fled on his own when his girl wouldn't have anything to do with him anymore." Stubbs whines again. He's so smart; he can even tell by the sound of my voice how I feel. I dig a treat from my pocket and give it to him. He chews it contently.

"And you had no idea?" His body is rigid once again, his voice a little harsh. That must be the former novice templar still lurking in him. He often expresses some distrust against apostates like Morrigan (could be because she's a cold-hearted bitch though), but I never sensed any when it came to myself. Maybe it's because we're the only Wardens left here and he has no choice but to trust me, or I made a very good impression. Let's hope it's the latter.

"No, none whatsoever. I asked him time and time again, but he denied. And I believed him. He was my only friend you know; I thought I could trust him." I sigh and pat my dog's head when he looks at me inquisitively.

"I see." He relaxes. From the tone of his voice I can tell he believes me, but disagrees with what I did. Well, he can disagree all he wants, nothing can be done about it now, can it?

"But we weren't talking about my stupidity. Please, tell me how you feel about Duncan's death." I lean my head against his. His hair tickles a little.

"I…" he falters and sighs, "should've handled it better. Duncan warned me right from the beginning that this could happen. Any of us could die in battle." Yes, how could I forget? "I shouldn't have lost it, not when so much is riding on us, not with the Blight and… and everything. I'm sorry." He sounds close to tears. On the way to Lothering he was very quiet, very moody. He only opened his mouth to return hateful comments from Morrigan. And to welcome the dog when it came to us.

"No, don't be. I understand." I give his shoulder a little squeeze. He feels firm. Nice.

"I'd like to have a proper funeral for him. Maybe once all this is done, if we're still alive. I don't think he had any family to speak of." Now Stubbs has moved to sit next to Alistair, nudging him with his massive head. The Warden absently pets him.

"He had you." I find it hard to believe Duncan wasn't as fond of Alistair as vice versa. The guy kind of grows on you, you know? I've only known him for a short time and already like him very much. In a friendly, non-sexual way. At least that's what I tell myself.

"I suppose he did. It probably sounds stupid, but part of me wishes I was with him in the battle. I feel like I abandoned him." He sighs yet again.

"It doesn't sound stupid, but he actually saved your life by sending you to the Tower." I stroke his cheek tentatively. I'm glad he doesn't seem to mind.

"I know. Duncan said he came from Highever. Maybe I'll go there sometime, putting up something in his honour." His voice sounds less sad. Talking often helps.

"Have you… had someone close to you die?" he suddenly asks. "Not that I mean to pry, I'm just…" Nervous silence.

"I've never had many people close to me, truth be told. I don't even know where I'm from. The Circle took me in when I was very young." Maybe one day I'll find out more about my heritage. Or not.

"That must've felt a lot like when I got sent to the Chantry. You mages don't even get a say in the matter, after all." He lifts his head from its resting place and smiles at me. "Thank you. Really, I mean it. It was good to talk about it, at least a little."

I return his smile. "Sure, anytime. If you need to talk, just say the word."

"So isn't there anything _you_ would like to talk about?" This time he wraps his arm around my shoulders and I lean against him.

"Like what? Shoes, cute boys?" I'm not really in the mood for such banter.

"I meant Daveth. What did you two have going on?" He sounds both curious and concerned. I try to avoid thinking of him. It hurts a little, frankly. Guess I have somewhat of a soft spot for him.

"Not much really. I still can't believe he and Jory are dead. What happened to the knight anyway?" After the Joining had been over with, I was too afraid to ask and then I'd simply forgotten to.

"He refused to drink the tainted blood. Said something about how it was too much and that there was no honour in it. He drew his sword and attacked Duncan, Duncan killed him. We must preserve our secrets," Alistair explains tersely.

"That seems strange. When I spoke with him the night we spent in the Wilds, he seemed so sure of wanting to do his part for this country." This hardly makes any sense. If he'd taken that drink, chances were he'd still been alive and able to see his wife and child. He was so anxious to return to them too. Did Jory hit his head when I wasn't looking, or something? I wonder how Helena and her child are doing. As well as can be expected, I hope.

"But you and Daveth... You spent a night with him tucked into a bedroll, he nearly…" he coughs uncomfortably, "assaulted you and you even let him kiss you in the end." Stubbs raises his head and looks at me in what looks like disbelief. Unbelievable how smart mabari are. "Surely you had _something_ going on."

"I said it wasn't much, not that it was nothing. He wanted to uhm, lay with me and I…" I hesitate. Somehow I don't think Alistair has much experience in the bedroom, much less do I know whether he wants to hear me talk about my feelings like this.

"Yes?" All right, he clearly does want to hear me talk about my feelings like this.

"Honestly, I wanted to ride him until it _hurt_. But..."

Alistair winces. "Too much information!"

I giggle at his reaction. "Sorry. But I just couldn't. I love my Cullen too much to betray him like that." Soon I will see him again, soon.

"I see. Quite the dilemma. So, Cullen huh? A mage you're in love with from the tower?" Now he sounds like he wants to gossip.

"Uhm, yes." I can't tell him the truth just yet. How would he react to our scandalous affair? "He gave me this ring, see?" I show him my hand.

"Ooh, pretty. Are those garnets?"

I nod. "Yes. I had a necklace with a garnet pendant, not unlike the one with the tainted blood you gave me after the Joining." I twiddle the pendant resting just above my breasts between my fingers. "Anyway, I gave him that. I hope he's still wearing it." I sigh. Surely he'll still have it around his neck, tucked underneath his armour, resting on his chest. I wish I could touch him right now. All I can think of is wrapping my lips around his member to make him moan and whisper my name; to lie in bed with him, making love for hours and to finish it all up with a good long cuddling session. Thinking of him makes my heart ache. Time to change the subject a little. "Want to hear something really weird?"

"Yes, what?" Both Alistair and Stubbs are looking at me expectantly. Well, at least I know my dog won't tell on me.

"I've so gotten used to Daveth's constant ogling that it still feels as if I have his eyes on me all the time. Creepy, right?" It may sound like some kind of joke, but it's not. Unnerving is what it is.

He shudders. "Very creepy. You must've cared about him a lot though, what with the way you cried and held him when the Joining proved fatal for him."

"That I did." Do still, actually.

We sit in silence for a while, until I get sick of it. I move before Alistair and look into his eyes. "Thank you for letting me speak about it."

He smiles. "Of course. And now my curiosity is sated too."

"So uhm, you want some ale?" I let my coin purse jingle. There's enough money in there to get very, very drunk on.

"Yes, that would be great," he replies.

I get up to go to the barkeep. "Two ale, coming right up."


	3. Drunken Bonding

_I know this entire story lacks a bit of action, but reviews would still be appreciated. So thanks to anyone who was kind enough to leave one. _

* * *

I keep forgetting I can't hold my liquor. Three tankards of ale and I'm already unable to keep my tongue in check. Thoughts come into my mind and fly out of my mouth right after. Alistair's not doing any better, with the constant silly giggling and the red cheeks. Awww…

"You're so cute." See, I shouldn't be saying such things. "I like you." I'm glad I sent Stubbs away to spy on Morrigan; I don't want him to see his mistress acting like a drunken fool.

Alistair giggles again. "I like you too. You're kind of cute yourself you know." He reaches over and musses up my hair.

I gasp. "No! Aw, now you ruined it." I uncoil my bun and try smoothing my hair down, but my hands won't cooperate and only make it worse. Instead I begin giggling, my hair a wild mess.

"Hey, you look pretty like that." His eyes move lower, his blush deepens. "I don't get to see these from up close very often." He pokes into my breasts with his finger. I haven't had a chance to buy robes that offer more coverage.

"No, bad Alistair!" I swat his hand away. "Morrigan always has her chest on display, you can look at her."

"I don't like her," he says with a slight pout. "She's mean."

I have to agree with that. "Yes, but you have to admit… She is a beautiful woman." If I looked like that, why, I would be _so_ happy.

Alistair shakes his head vehemently. "I don't care! She's mean. And those yellow eyes give me the creeps."

"So tell me…" I hiccup. Stupid ale. "Since you spent most of your life in a monastery, have you never…" I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

He giggles again. "Never what? Had a good pair of shoes?"

"Oh come on, you know what I mean. The eyebrow wiggling means I'm saying something suggestive, you know." I take another sip from my tankard. Maybe I should switch to coffee.

"I'm not sure I do." The twinkle in his eye tells me he's joking. "Have I never seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham?" Another giggle fit ensues. "Have I never licked a lamppost in winter?"

"Aw, now you're just being mean. Stop making fun of meee…" I sniffle. I can joke too, you know.

"Make fun of you? Never. Well, tell me: have _you_ ever licked a lamppost in winter?" He eyes me expectantly.

I raise an eyebrow and pinch the guy's red cheeks. "Why would I want to lick a…? Oh, we're not talking about actual metal lampposts, are we?" I laugh. "It wasn't winter, but why yes, I _have_ licked a lamppost. Licked it, sucked it, played with its…" I get far too candid when drunk. "Hmm, what's a good metaphor for testicles?"

Alistair raises his hands. "No, no, I don't want to know all that! You give me too much information."

"I know. Don't know subtlety. So have you ever had sex?" These euphemisms are getting on my nerves. Penises should not be compared to mundane things like lampposts. They should be called... uhm, I don't know, rods of pure plea... Ew. Never mind, that's even worse.

"No, never. Not that I haven't thought about it…" His face turns pensive and even redder. It would appear he's thinking about it right now. Suddenly he turns in my direction and plunges his face between my breasts without warning. He is glowing with heat.

"Heeey! What do you think you're doing?" I slap him on the back of the head but it doesn't help.

"My face wanted to know what they feel like." His words sound muffled as he rubs his face against my chest. The stubble on his chin is a bit prickly. I have to admit feeling him against me doesn't leave me completely unaffected.

"Ah. And what does your face think of them then?" I run my fingers through his hair. He obviously takes care of it very well.

"I want a pillow that feels just like this." His voice has a rather content tone to it. Men and breasts, heh. Just like the time when Daveth saw them and went all goofy. But let's not think about that.

"You know what, if you're a good boy and get your face out of there, I'll let you rest your head against them as often as you want. This just makes me… uncomfortable." It would appear I've sobered up a little; otherwise I would've just said it was making me horny. I shouldn't be thinking of Alistair this way. Sure, he's cute and all, but I'm already taken _and_ we're supposed to be working together. Do I have a templar fetish or something? Probably.

"Aw, okay. You can sit on my lap then." He stretches out his legs and pats his thigh. Oh why not. I sit on his lap and wrap my arm around his shoulders. My companion rests his head against my chest with a sigh of contentment, his arms around my waist. This is quite comfortable, actually.

"So, do you have any Grey Warden anecdotes you'd like to share with me?" Anything to distract me from thinking of the act. Maker's breath, he's still a virgin. Kind of exciting if you ask me. So much potential.

"I didn't know them for very long, but longer than you I guess. You never met all of them, did you?" He utters some kind of longing sigh. "They were quite a group. Actually, they felt like an extended family, since we were all cut off from our former lives." This reminds me of the Circle; all people who were more or less forced to leave their old lives. This one guy at the tower loves his old life so much, he keeps trying to escape. And succeeding too, though he never stays hidden for long: with the possession of your phylactery, finding you is a breeze.

"We also laughed more than you'd think," he continues. "There was this one time… Well, you probably don't want to hear stories about men you didn't know."

"Of course I do. Men are fascinating." I've heard they behave differently when there are no women present.

Alistair giggles against my chest. "Okay. There was this one Grey Warden from the Anderfels, Gregor I think. He was a burly man with the biggest, fuzziest beard you've ever seen." He briefly laughs at the memory. "And the man could _drink_. He drank all the time but never got drunk. Finally we all made a pool just to see how many pints it would take to put him under the table. But we never did find out. He said he'd drink a pint for every half-pint the rest of us drank; he was still going by the time the rest of us were passed out." Another half-suppressed giggle. "I'm told that Duncan walked in later on and saw us all passed out from one end of the hall to the other, and Gregor still drinking. Duncan laughed until he nearly…" His voice is sad once again. "Until…" There are barely contained tears in that single word.

"It's okay, you can cry if you want to." I caress his face in a way I hope feels soothing. Soon I feel hot tears trickling onto my chest.

"I really miss him," Alistair hiccups, "he didn't deserve to die the way he did." His grip around my waist tightens considerably.

"I know, my friend, I know. I understand." I keep quiet until his tears have stopped and only dry sobs come out of him.

"It just struck me that I have nothing to remember Duncan by. Nothing at all. There's no body, not even a token I could take with me. I just would've liked something of his to take with me." His voice is thick with grief. Poor thing.

"I'm afraid that you'll have to make do with your memories of him. But you know what, when you go to Highever in Duncan's honour, I'll go with you. How does that sound?" I plant a kiss on the top of his head.

"I'd like that. So would he, I think." He lets go of me and raises his head to show me a faint smile. I wipe the tears from his face.

"Thank you. I mean it. You've been such a good friend to me, comforting me when I'm acting like a blubbering fool." He sniffles. "And we've only known each other for such a short time. Believe me, I usually let a few months pass before breaking down into a little pile of misery."

"Do you feel a little better?"

He nods and gathers me up into a hug again. It would seem I have made myself a new friend.


	4. A Giant in a Cage

"A touching scene," Morrigan says in an amused voice. I stare at her vacantly before remembering I'm sitting on Alistair's lap, safely wrapped in his arms. Naturally she would say such a thing, her words practically dripping with irony.

Leliana just giggles girlishly. "I think it's cute."

"Bite me, Morrigan." I stick out my tongue.

In response she flashes a pearly white canine and runs her tongue along it. "Well, if you insist…"

"For crying out loud, it is only an expression." I have no doubts the woman would take a serious chunk out of me if I let her. Alistair and I let go of one another and get up from the floor.

"I know. I am capable of humour, you know." She chuckles dryly.

"No you're not," Alistair retorts. The two immediately begin bickering.

"Morrigan and I discovered something you might want to see," Leliana tells me. Stubbs is following her around adoringly; obviously he's fallen in love with the pretty priestess. Her radiant blue eyes remind me of Daniela's.

"What might that be?" I smile at her. She seems very nice. And that accent! I really enjoy listening to it. Love listening to it, even.

"Just outside the village there is someone locked in a cage. A qunari. The Chantry put him in there because he committed a crime and has not fed him since. Quite terrible, no? He looks very able; perhaps he can help rid Ferelden of the Blight?" Her voice is grave and her suggestion valid.

"Sure, we need all the help we can get. Do you think the Revered Mother will let him out?" What crime would this qunari have committed to be starved in a cage? I doubt he only stole some bread.

"If we convince her we need him, of course she will," Leliana says confidently. "I hope this does not offend you, but you look lovely with your hair down. You should wear it like this more often."

"Why, thank you." It's been a while since I got a compliment from someone, apart from Alistair's drunken babbling and maybe all the men staring at my chest. "But with all the fighting we do, it's better to wear it in my good old bun." With that I quickly smooth my hair down, coil it and fasten it with a few pins from the pouch that dangles from my hip. Leliana nods in understanding. At least _she_ understands practicality.

"Oh lovebirds, we will be making a trip to the Chantry. You are both welcome to join us," I address Morrigan and Alistair.

The latter looks at me with an expression of disgust on his face. "I would sooner fall in love with your dog." Stubbs grunts in disdain. It would appear he doesn't like the idea of starting a love affair with Alistair.

Morrigan's expression mirrors Alistair's. "Oh no, perish the thought. I would sooner dance in the village square unclad." Now that is something I would like to see. "In any case, I shall stay here."

And so Leliana, Alistair, Stubbs and I go off to speak with the Revered Mother.

* * *

Well, that was easy. All I had to say was that the Grey Wardens needed the qunari to help quell the Blight and the Revered Mother handed me the key to his cage. I think she was just glad to be rid of him. Probably the generous donation helped too. We received a blessing, which seemed to make Alistair and especially Leliana very happy.

I spent a little while talking to the rather attractive head templar of that Chantry. My, my, my. His skin was so dark it looked almost like my favourite treat, namely chocolate, kissable lips, neatly groomed hair. He's nowhere near as magnificent as my Cullen, but sexy nonetheless. It's a good thing I have such excellent self-control, or this templar fetish of mine could get me into a lot of trouble. I can see it now: me ripping the armour off the poor man to throw him down and have my way with him right on the Chantry floor, refugees and clergymen looking on in shock. Hmm... In any case, this ser Bryant confirmed that Loghain put a bounty on Grey Warden heads. This might prove troublesome in the time to come, because I like my head so much, but let's worry about that when it comes up. Currently there are other matters to attend to.

So now I'm staring up at this hulking giant of a man trapped in a cage, the tallest and broadest man I've ever laid eyes on. Granted, I'm small for a human, but still. Impressive height. Come to think of it, I've never actually seen a qunari.

"You are not one of my captors," the giant says. "I will not amuse you any more than I have the other humans. Leave me in peace." Why, he has a very pleasant voice.

"I'm not looking to be amused. Who are you?" I try not to sound too eager, but I'm just very interested. How intriguing this is!

"I am Sten of the Beresaad – the vanguard – of the qunari peoples," he introduces himself.

I dip into a bow. "My name is Astoreth. Nice to meet you."

"You mock me," Sten scoffs. "Or you show manners I have not come to expect in your lands." Then he shrugs. "Though it matters little, now. I will die soon enough."

I pull out the key to his cage and dangle it in front of him. "Only if the darkspawn get you. You're coming with us."

But when I open the door, he doesn't move. "Why? What do you need of me?"

"I need your help against the Blight that threatens this land." Why is he being difficult? I'd jump at the chance to leave my cage.

"The Blight? Are you a Grey Warden then?" He sounds flabbergasted. What, should I get the title tattooed on my forehead or something? I nod. "Surprising. My people have heard legends of the Grey Wardens' strength and skill… though I suppose not every legend is true." His voice sounds pensive.

"Hey!" I fold my arms before my chest and glare at him. I may not be the strongest or the most skilful, but I do alright for a mage. Usually. I push Alistair towards the cage. "Here, a Grey Warden with legendary strength and skill."

He raises his hand in greeting. "Uhm, nice to meet you? Never mind her, I'm not _that_ legendary." But I can tell from the tone of his voice that he is flattered.

"Very well," Sten gives in. "I will follow you into battle. In doing so I shall find my atonement." With that he steps out of his cage.

"Atonement? What for?" I forgot to ask him why he was caged in the first place. See, too impulsive. Just like the time I paralyzed… Argh, never mind.

"I have been convicted of murder. Have the villagers not spoken of this?" The casual way in which he replies to my question leaves me rather stumped. There is no emotion in the man's violet eyes.

"I… No. Who have you murdered?" I could just about kick myself. The look Alistair's giving me tells me he wants to kick me too. It's funny how Leliana doesn't seem to care. But it could just be that Stubbs is distracting her with his cute act.

"The people of a farmhold. Eight humans, in addition to the children," Sten replies in a matter-of-fact voice. Alistair looks like he wants to strangle me now.

"Uhm, is it too late to put you back in the cage?" Not that I want to, but my fellow Warden's opinion matters a lot to me and he doesn't seem to want a convicted murderer with us.

"I have spent my life in the vanguard, I know war. And your lands need all the help they can get," Sten states. True, true. I send a pleading look Alistair's way and he rolls his eyes, then seems to give in.

"Welcome aboard," he says reluctantly.

"Well, that's settled then." I leave them so Alistair can give Sten some food while I go speak to Morrigan about my little problem. Leliana is already throwing sticks Stubbs eagerly runs after to fetch. Ah, puppy love.


	5. How Did That Happen

_OMGWTFBBQ! The plot thickens. _

* * *

"Morrigan, may I have a word with you?"

The witch has found herself a table. The area around her is surprisingly free of people, in spite of how full the inn is. I don't even want to think about how she accomplished that. Let's hope nobody died.

"If you must," she replies flatly. Obviously she doesn't want to be here with us; only at the behest of her mother did she join.

I take a seat across from her. "I uhm…" Maker, this is embarrassing. Better get it over with quickly. "What does it mean if your monthly flows don't flow anymore?"

Morrigan's eyes grow wide with surprise. "I beg your pardon? Your menstrual cycle has stopped?"

I nod, my face warm and probably very red. At first I thought my body had to get used to all the travelling, but now I'm not so sure anymore.

"Since when is this?" Her voice is still surprised.

"I've never been very regular, but they should've started quite soon after I left the tower. So maybe, two months? Three perhaps." I can't believe it's already been so long since I've seen, felt, tasted Cullen. I miss him terribly.

"I see. Such an occurrence could have two causes. The most likely one is…" She pauses and looks at me critically.

"Don't leave me in suspense here, lady, please tell me," I beg her.

Morrigan shakes her head. "Have you also been feeling nauseous in the morning lately?" I nod. Would you just tell me already? "Then… You must be with child."

With… child? As in _pregnant_? I nearly fall off my chair in astonishment. "I… What? Huh? But how does one accomplish such a thing?"

"Do you not know? Have you never been with a man?" Her eyebrows have nearly disappeared into her hairline. This is the most emotion I've ever seen Morrigan express.

"I have, several times, at that. So?" Damn it, I knew I should've paid more attention to the talks of the birds and the bees. But leave it to the Circle instructors to take something as wonderful as lovemaking and turn it into something utterly boring.

"When a man spends his seed inside you, surely you know where, chances are a child is conceived." She sighs in exasperation. "Really, has your Circle taught you nothing?"

"They tried, but I'm a very slow student." When it comes to things other than magic, that is. So… I am carrying a child, Cullen's child in me? That is… both wonderful and quite inconvenient at the same time, what with the Blight and all. You know, I couldn't be happier. I can just imagine myself with a baby in my arms, in a home with a lovely garden and…

"'Tis not the fool's child, I hope?" Morrigan interrupts my musings. Now she actually sounds concerned.

"What? No, no, I haven't even known Alistair this long and we've not been together in that sense." I swallow. My throat feels somewhat dry. "So what should I expect from now on?"

"I hear pregnancy is quite an ordeal. Your stomach will grow, obviously, as will your breasts, and because of the weight your back might begin aching. You will become very moody, your ankles will swell, your appetite will increase…"

"My appetite is already ridiculous." The Joining did that for me. I eat, what, six times as much as I used to? Maybe even more. And my stomach rumbles almost constantly. I doubt it could get any worse.

Morrigan chuckles briefly. "Yes, I have noticed. But in short, you will be inconvenienced. If it would prove too difficult for you, I could brew you a potion that would terminate…"

"No!" I wouldn't even consider murdering Cullen's child. But with all the battles we will see in the time to come, I might miscarry. I should try to be very, very careful. Let Alistair absorb every blow for me, that sort of thing.

"As you wish. Then might I inquire as to who the father is? Is it the handsome one who was with you the first time we met?" It would seem our Witch of the Wilds isn't too good to gossip.

I don't think Daveth would've stuck around if the baby had been his. Why does it still feel as if he's watching me? "No, I never bedded him. Care to guess again?"

She grimaces. "Not the older man with the large ears, is it?" Her expression gets me to burst out laughing.

"No no. Ser Jory was a family man, and I wasn't part of that family. You have one guess left."

"'Tis most sad but I cannot think of any others. Do tell me." Her purple rimmed golden eyes are glittering with curiosity as she leans closer from across the table. Maybe she's not as bad as she sometimes seems to be. She's still only a young woman, probably not much older or younger than myself.

"In the tower I had a lover." Oh, but I wonder how he will react. The child of a templar and a mage, imagine that. I doubt it's _never_ happened before though.

"Ah, another mage then. Well, I am sure 'twill be a lovely child." Morrigan's crimson lips curve upward into a gentle smile. Wait, what?

"Thank you? That's the nicest thing I've heard you say so far." I look at her wide-eyed.

"I am not incapable of being friendly. And 'tis not you I despise, far from it." She utters a low, throaty chuckle. "When we first met, you were the only one who treated me with respect, unlike the boys you were travelling with. I took to you right away."

"Truly? I thought you hated me." This day has been full of surprises.

"No, not at all. Alistair puts me in such a terrible mood…" Her fist clenches tightly, the knuckles pale.

I lay my hand over hers. "Calm down."

"A touching scene," a familiar voice dripping with acid and sarcasm suddenly says. Alistair looks down on us with a scowl on his face. Sten and Leliana are standing right behind him, Stubbs sitting next to the sister like a good boy.

"Are you jealous?" Morrigan purrs. Her smile has turned sugary sweet and utterly fake. I can see how my fellow Warden tries to unsuccessfully suppress a shudder. I get up from the table.

"Alistair, I need to tell you something." My mind is looking for all kinds of opening lines to break the news to him, but can't seem to find any.

"You look serious. Are you alright?" He eyes me with concern.

I gesture him to follow me. "Sure, just come outside with me."

Behind me I hear Leliana gasp. "Are they having an affair? How scandalous!"

Sten scoffs. "Disgusting." Stubbs barks in agreement.

"Certainly not. She is far too intelligent for that fool," Morrigan replies smugly.

I roll my eyes. She and Alistair will probably never get along.


	6. Some Well Deserved Harassment

Outside I pace around a while, feeling Alistair watching my every step. How do I tell him this?

He is the one to break the silence. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

I take a deep breath. Just bite the bullet and plunge in headlong, Astoreth. You can do this. You do it all the time. "I uhm… Damn it."

Alistair stops me by laying his hands on my shoulders. "Take your time. You can tell me anything."

I am… touched. "Thank you. I…" Say it! "I'm pregnant."

Alistair stares at me vacantly for a moment, then slaps his fist to his palm. "I knew we should've used protection!"

When I say nothing and pretty much stare at him in horror, he gulps. "You're serious."

"Of course, dummy. Why would I joke about that?" I shake my head.

"I will need some time to digest this. If you would hold on a moment." He begins pacing around in much the same way I was, making me nervous and causing me to pace about as well. When he halts, I nearly crash into him.

"You know what? I will do anything I can to protect you and your baby," he says solemnly.

I sniffle. "Really?" My vision becomes blurry as my eyes fill with tears. Soon the floodgates open and they run down my face.

Gently he wipes my tears away. "Of course. I'm sure you would do the same for me, were I pregnant." He scratches his head. "And a woman."

"You're the best friend in the whole wide world ever." I tightly wrap my arms around his waist, bury my face in his chest. "I promise I'll protect you too if you get pregnant."

His laughter rumbles against my ear. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind." His arms encircle my shoulders. You know, I like cuddling with him. Makes me feel all fuzzy and warm.

When we let go, he looks at my stomach inquisitively. "You can't see a thing."

"Yet. In a few months, I'll be huge. A hulking monstrosity, making the ground quake with every step and…"

"Oh hush. I'm sure you will look lovely and radiant with that round belly." He smiles and caresses my cheek. His hand feels quite rough, reminds me of someone. "And your child will be as beautiful as you."

Beautiful? Me? "Er, if you say so." I can feel my mouth stretching into a wide grin as I think of Cullen. "You should get a load of the father. The most handsome man alive, I tell you."

"I take it you're talking about… What was his name again? Collin?" He chuckles. "You sound madly in love."

"I am. And it's Cullen." I stand on my toes to kiss my friend on the cheek. "I am glad to have your support. Thank you."

He shrugs. "That's what friends are for, right?" Laughing happily he wags his finger at me. "Just you wait until I hold you to that promise. I'll be most annoying, clamouring for pickles with whipped cream and foot massages... Speaking of which, is there anything you would like?"

I dig around in my mind. The only thing I would like right now is to have a man between my thighs. Boy am I going to wear Cullen out when I see him again. "Uhm no, nothing in the food department I would like right now. But thank you."

"Something else then. A shoulder rub? Maybe I should do a silly dance for you?" He hops on one foot to the other, flailing his arms about wildly. I can't help but giggle at the scene before me. He looks like a chicken that's gone soft in the head.

"No, I'm fine. Really. Thank you." I look down at my chest. So these will be growing too? "I think I need some robes that cover me better. Or a cloak, or something. Maybe even a blanket."

Alistair stops his dance. "There is a merchant near the Chantry."

"Marvellous!" I can't wait to be rid of all the stares I seem to be getting.

* * *

We're just in time to witness the merchant giving a Chantry sister a mean shove. They have a few disgruntled refugees as onlookers. "Back off! I have the right to charge what I wish!" he yells.

"You profit from their misfortune! I should have the templars give away everything in your carts!" The priestess' voice has a sound of indignation mixed with despair. Maker, can't a person even shop in peace now? Damned vulture.

"You wouldn't dare!" The merchant's taken on a threatening pose. "Any of you step too close to my goods and I'll..."

"It's so nice to see everything working together in a crisis. Warms the heart," Alistair interrupts, his voice filled with sarcasm.

The merchant turns to us. "Ha, you there! You look able." Now I know he's talking about Alistair and not me. "Would you care to make a tiny profit helping a beleaguered businessman?"

I scoff. Businessman, sure. And I'm an Orlesian princess. "Is your profiteering ruffling a few feathers?"

"You could say that, yes," the trader replies.

"The nerve of these people!" Alistair bellows in fake indignation.

"He is charging outlandish prices for things people desperately need! Their blood is filling his pockets!" The sister's eyebrows are furrowed in worry and indignation.

"I have limited supplies." The merchant shrugs. "The people decide what those supplies are worth to them."

"Is that so?" I bare my teeth at the man. "These people are desperate, so they will spend their last coin on your supplies." I conjure a flame around my hand and let it flare up. "You will sell your goods at a reasonable price or I will set you on fire and hand them out for free myself."

The greedy bastard takes a hurried step back and raises his hands in a placating gesture. "Let's try to keep civil here." There's a slight quiver to his voice.

"Just charge what you would have before this tragedy," the priestess pleads.

"Fine, just stop complaining. You're giving me a headache." The merchant turns his gaze to me, a trace of fear in his eyes. I smother my flames.

"Thank you for your... generous assistance," the sister says hesitantly. Apparently I made a bad impression. Curse my impulsiveness! "May the Maker watch over your path." She turns to enter the Chantry.

"Think I did the right thing?" I ask Alistair in hushed tones.

"It could've gone better. But he kind of deserved it and at least he's no longer exploiting the despair that's so thick around here." He rubs his hands together. "Now let's do some shopping."

I watch him as he peruses the merchant's wares. Previously Daveth had me so occupied I hadn't noticed just how attractive Alistair really is. I catch the merchant watching me warily.

"Would you relax? I'm not going to set you on fire. I promise." I raise my hands. "I'll be good, really." I flash the man a wink and a pretty smile and his icy demeanour seems to warm a little. He shrugs and begins trying to fob off all kinds of goods to Alistair.

Now, back to our handsome Warden... I like the way his armour clings to his supposedly well-developed frame (I've never seen him without it). He has such a handsome, endearing face. And a virgin too... When it came to Daveth all I wanted to do was, pardon me, fuck him. Yes, I certainly know rude words but hardly ever use them. It's fitting in this case though, because it's true.

But Alistair? I would be slow and gentle with him. At first. I can just picture him lying underneath me, blushing and moaning softly while I explore his body with my lips, with my tongue, with my hands... And then I would make him scream and squirm in pleasure, use him until we're both spent. What can I say? I may be human, but humans are animals too, no matter what some like to believe.

Of course he doesn't compare to my darling, no man ever could. After all, I don't truly love Alistair, no matter how cute and sweet he is. I like him as a friend, and as a pretty thing I can feast my eyes on. It's strange to think of Cullen as the father of my unborn child. I don't even feel pregnant, although I've never been before so I guess I wouldn't know how it feels. Those things Morrigan told me don't sound all that pleasant though. It will be a bumpy road, no doubt.

"Hey, come look at this!" Alistair gestures me to come closer. Triumphantly he holds up some fine robes, thick black cotton with red embroidery of vines and pretty swirly shapes, even a hood to cover my noggin when it rains or when I want to be all mysterious. They have fur shoulder-covering as well. And lo and behold: they cover the body from neck to ankles (apart from the keyhole that flashes just a tiny bit of breast), just like the apprentice robes I left behind. I might look like an evil cultist in these, but at least I will be a decently dressed evil cultist. The best part is that they hold the same enchantments as those atrocious yellow robes. Truth be told, they were better than the half-naked ones I'm wearing right now, but I'm very vain and they were stiff with blood anyway.

"These are lovely. How much?" I look at the merchant.

"Twenty silver for you, my lady," he replies meekly.

Only twenty? "Isn't that a bit..."

Alistair covers my mouth with his hand. "You've scared him into submission. Just take advantage of that and pay him already," he mumbles into my ear. Well, he is right...

I count out twenty pieces of silver and hand them over. "Here you are. Thank you."

"No, thank _you_." He quickly pockets the money, looking very anxious to be rid of me.

I nudge Alistair in the ribs. "Let's go." He nods and we return to the inn.

* * *

_I know there are no such robes in the game, but I loooove clothing (almost inappropriately so) and so Astoreth will have her custom ones. For a picture, check out my dA page. Different colours, but the same robes and the same girl. _


	7. Raised by Dogs

"Where shall we be going next?" Leliana asks.

"Yes, I am eager to be elsewhere." I can tell from the tone of Sten's voice that he's not joking.

We've not yet filled the newest members of our merry band in on our situation, so we tell them the story of how most of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden were slaughtered and we need to raise an army using the treaties we have. Alistair lets me do most of the talking; I'm afraid this reminds him of Duncan's death all too well.

"So, the first stop we will make is in Redcliffe to see the arl," I conclude.

"The arl? But I hear he is ill; a few of his knights were in the Chantry. They were searching for Andraste's ashes to cure their master, because nothing else has been able to so far," Leliana says with a worried look on her face.

I turn to Alistair; his face has much the same expression as the sister's. "Didn't you say that arl Eamon raised you?"

"Yes well, I'll tell you all about that when we're alone." His voice is harsh, frowning in irritation. I would like to ask more, but I think that will only serve to annoy him further.

I shrug. "Fair enough. We should get going quickly to see what's going on and if we can help."

"Agreed," Alistair replies curtly.

And on that note we all pack up and prepare to leave for Redcliffe.

* * *

I bolt upright, sweating and panting like a dog. Curled up on the ground next to me, Stubbs raises his head and stares at me. A darkspawn nightmare, even worse than the one at my Joining. This time I witnessed an entire army of them in some dark place, lead by that black dragon I saw before. Imagine all of them coming to the surface to conquer the place. Scary stuff.

"Are you alright?" Alistair asks me from his place across the fire. We are camped between a copse of trees; before I tried to take a nap, I changed into my new robes behind a very large one. One thing I hadn't noticed about my new garments: the slit that runs from just below the hip all the way down along my right leg. My stocking is clearly visible, especially when I walk. But I shouldn't complain. I'm as snug as a bug in a rug, and that for a mere twenty silver! But wait, there is more! Just kidding. There isn't.

"Was it a nightmare?"

"Yes. An army of darkspawn led by a black dragon. Is that the archdemon?" I wipe my forehead. My hand comes away very wet.

"It is, although I'm not sure it's really a dragon." Alistair gets up and sits down next to me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders. "How are you feeling? You know..."

I've not told any of the others of my condition yet. I figure they'll notice on their own and it's not something you tell people you've met only a day ago.

"I feel fine. Thank you." What with the way Alistair treats me it's as if he fathered my baby himself.

I look around to see what the others are doing. Sten is busily polishing the blade we found for him (strange how well-filled strongboxes are littered all over the place) and Leliana is occupied with scribbling on some parchment. Morrigan is always a distance away from us, keeping to herself, minding her own business. "So, about this arl Eamon... Didn't he raise you?" I look beside me, into the handsome Warden's eyes.

"Did I say that? I meant I was raised by giant, slobbering dogs from the Anderfels. A whole pack of them, in fact." He snickers a little.

"Oh really? That must be why Stubbs likes you so." I grin at my friend. "He feels a connection with you." My dog barks in agreement and lays one of his massive paws on Alistair's leg, panting happily.

"Aw, who's a good puppy?" The Warden gushes, scratching Stubbs between the ears. My war hound is almost purring like a little kitten.

"But seriously, tell me or don't. Don't try to hide behind silly jokes." Normally I like his kind of humour, but when I try to talk to him seriously it bothers me a little.

"Well, alright then. You see, I'm a bastard." He raises an eyebrow and scowls. "And before you make any smart comments, I meant the fatherless kind."

I raise my hands. "I wasn't going to say anything." As if I'd ever think he was the mean person kind of bastard, with the way he treats me.

"Sure you weren't." He sticks out his tongue. Wasn't that my habit? "Anyway, my mother was a serving girl at Redcliffe castle who died when I was very young. Arl Eamon wasn't my father, but he took me in anyhow and put a roof over my head." A slight smile appears on his face. "He was good to me, and he didn't have to be. I respect the man and I don't blame him any more for sending me to the Chantry when I was old enough."

"Do you know who your father is then? I'm sorry, I don't want to pry but since I don't know my own family..." Knowing more of where other people come from is a bit of a hobby of mine.

"No, that's alright. I do know, but it's not important." He gives my dog another pat on the head.

If he doesn't want to tell me who sired him, fine with me. "So why where you sent to the Chantry?"

"Arl Eamon eventually married a young woman from Orlais, which caused him all sorts of trouble with the King because it was so soon after the war. But he loved her." His look darkens. "Anyhow, the new arlessa resented the rumours which pegged me as his bastard. They weren't true, but of course they existed. The arl didn't care, but she did. So off I was packed to the nearest monastery at age ten. Just as well. The arlessa made sure the castle wasn't a home to me by that point. She despised me."

"How mean of her, to treat a little boy that way." His tale saddens me. I'm sure he didn't deserve to be treated in such a manner.

Alistair shrugs. "Maybe. She felt threatened by my presence, I see that now. I can't say I blame her. She wondered if the rumours were true herself, I bet." Now he sighs, the look on his face turning to one of sadness. "The only thing I had of my mother's was an amulet with Andraste's holy symbol on it. I was so furious at being sent away I tore it off and threw it at the wall and it shattered." He shakes his head. "Stupid, stupid thing to do. The arl came by the monastery a few times to see how I was, but I was stubborn. I hated it there and blamed him for everything... and eventually he just stopped coming."

"Well, you were young." I'd probably have done the exact same thing had this happened to me.

"And raised by dogs." Stubbs barks happily upon hearing this and licks Alistair's hand. "Or I might as well have been, the way I acted," he continues, vehemently wiping his hand on his pants. "But maybe all young bastards act like that, I don't know. So that's my story. Happy now?"

I nod. "Yes." I like knowing more of my companions, especially if they seem interesting. Which reminds me that I should talk to Leliana and Sten more. I could try asking Morrigan things, but she seems rather uncommunicative, even if she said she likes me.

"At any rate, you should rest some more." Alistair lies back on my bedroll and opens his arms, a sweet smile on his lips, affection in his eyes. "Come here." Who am I to decline such an invitation?

I snuggle up to him, resting my head on his chest. His arms embrace me, pulling me even closer to him. The steady drum of his heartbeat against my ear makes me so drowsy...


	8. Well Hello Your Majesty

_Screw it. I was going to wait to post this, but I'm getting so bloody sick writing about the forkin' _Ise monogatari_ that I could use some nice reviews. Or flames, whatever it is you'd like to throw me. Hooray for gratuitous sex! I make no apologies; this was so much fun to write. I might need a bit of therapy. Originally this scene was different, but then the wise Draguna wondered aloud why Astoreth had never dreamed of *this* guy. So I thought, yeah, why is that? And thus this fine piece of garbage was born. _

* * *

Hmm, where's Alistair? The warm body I was cuddled up against is gone. I sit up straight and rub my eyes. Where _is_ everyone?

"Ho there, friend!" a very cheerful voice says. I've heard it before. "Astoreth, wasn't it?"

Not very far away from me I spot a figure in golden armour. I carefully approach. "Your Majesty?"

"Ah, so you remember me," King Cailan chuckles. He shifts in the ornate chair he's sitting in. Another dream.

"Of course I do; you are the King of Ferelden." And quite dead. "What are you doing here anyway?"

The handsome man before me shrugs. "Not much." He pats his thigh, smiling rather charmingly. "Why don't you join me?"

"I er..." The deceased ruler of this country wants me to sit on his lap. How very, very bizarre. "Sure." Cailan curves an arm around my waist when I accept his invitation. This isn't exactly comfortable. Too much metal.

After a few moments in silence, the king sighs. "Well, I'm bored. Aren't you bored?"

"Terribly." I sigh. "If only Cullen were here." Then I'd be having a whole lot of fun.

"Ah yes, your templar." He chuckles. "Quite a scandalous affair. Tell me, what _would_ you be doing if he were here?" A mischievous tone has crept into the man's voice.

I raise an eyebrow. "What do you _think_ we would be doing, Your Highness?"

"No need to be so formal." His gauntleted hand begins stroking my thigh. "I know what _I_ would be doing with you."

Well, I never. "Maker's breath, Your Majesty! That's rather inappropriate, don't you think?"

"Come, come, Warden. You are here, I am here, we are both bored." Cailan laughs. "Surely you know where you are."

"Fade or no Fade, I'm not going to have sex with you!" I want to have sex with Cullen, damn it.

The king pouts. "Hm, not even a little?" He utters a long, exaggerated sigh. "That is unfortunate."

"That doesn't mean I cannot entertain you." I get up from his lap. "How about a magic show?"

"A magic show does sound marvellous indeed," the man chuckles.

And so I spend the next moments using my entire arsenal of spells, which is not inconsiderable. Lightning, ice, fire... King Cailan claps and cheers, almost as happy as a little boy. I can't help but notice how handsome he is, and how familiar he looks. I've seen that face before. Just can't quite put my finger on it. One last spectacular fireball, and that's it. I'm empty. "I'm afraid this is it, Your Highness. I'm all out of mana."

"Wonderful!" my spectator laughs. He claps happily. "Well done."

"Thank you, thank you." I take my bow. This was actually quite fun. I bet that I would be an enormous hit at children's parties.

Cailan grabs my hand and coaxes me back onto his lap. "Perhaps I can entertain _you_ now, hmm?" he coos, sliding his hand onto my inner thigh. That cheeky scoundrel.

"Please don't do that, Your Majesty." No means no! "I am not about to cheat on my beloved."

"Don't be preposterous. None of this is real. It's not cheating if you're only dreaming." His other hand cups my breast, flicking the thumb along my hardened nipple. This guy must be used to getting what he wants. But isn't that what these dreams of mine are about? Getting what _I_ want? And having a man between my legs is what I want. But why doesn't he look like Cullen? I imagine it's because the entire time I spoke with our king, I was thinking of how good-looking the man was, wondering what he looked like under his beautiful golden armour. And hardly listening to a word he said. I'm bad like that.

"Fine then... Cailan. Lose the armour and you may _entertain_ me." Imagine that, me giving orders to a king. Only in dreams, girl, only in dreams.

He nods, a smug expression on his face. "I knew you would come around." I blink once and his metal suit has disappeared into thin air, an expensive-looking silk shirt and black trousers in its stead. If I didn't know this was a dream, I certainly do now. His hand tangles into my hair to yank back my head and place a row of feverish kisses down my throat.

"No, no, not going to happen." I quickly squirm from his grasp and sit at his feet. Dream or no dream, I can't just jump another man's bones. My templar's bones are the only ones I should jump. "I prefer to watch."

Another exaggerated sigh. "Why are you being so difficult? Women throw themselves at me left and right." His Highness folds his arms before his chest and glares down on me. Like a spoiled child.

I look around. Nobody here but he and I. "Ladies, let me hear you if you want to be with King Cailan!" The only sound that greets me is the chirping of crickets. "So much for that then. Now make with the entertainment." I pat his knee.

"Very well. It's your dream," he says with a smile. Upon that note Cailan doffs his shirt and throws it into my lap, revealing his well-developed upper body. Oh my. Like a beautiful sculpture, not a trace of hair or scars or blemishes, only smooth skin and defined muscle. Very unrealistic, if you ask me. But my eyes are pleased. "Is this what you wish to see?" His face has a feigned innocent expression to it.

I roll my eyes. "If I only want to _see_ a half-naked man, I will simply ask Alistair to remove his armour and stare at him a while. I see that I am going to have to help you." With that I grab a hold of his right hand and lay it upon his crotch. "Unlace this. Show me your naughty bits. Play with them."

"My word!" The man gasps in indignation. "That is quite the request to make of me. But I did promise you some entertainment..." One hand disappears into his trousers; I can clearly see it moving up and down. The other crooks its index finger. "Come closer and touch me," he whispers huskily. Pleasure stings into my gut, telling me I have to obey. I feel his pulse as I lay my hands on his chest; it's very rapid. He must be excited. Biting my lower lip I slowly run my hands down his torso. My own heart is beating so fast now I'm afraid it will vibrate right out of my ribcage. He is so firm under my hands, and feverishly hot too. And those soft moaning sounds he makes occasionally... Mmm.

"Oh, but you feel nice." My hands are busily exploring every bump and hollow on his wonderfully soft skin.

"Why don't you go a little lower?" he purrs, his eyes half-closed, a slight shade of pink colouring his face.

I immediately take my hands off him and wag my finger. "No, no, no. You would be entertaining me, not the other way around." Without further ado I unlace his trousers for him, for otherwise I bet nothing would happen. "Show me what you've got," I demand, twirling my fingers over the knuckles of his busily rubbing hand.

Slowly, ever so slowly his hand emerges from the folds of black fabric. The thing in its grasp is straight, rigid and... _enormous_. Seriously, I'm not kidding; my eyes must be the size of saucers. This is the stuff of a smutty novel right here. I have a filthy, filthy mind.

"Are you sure I cannot interest you in anything I have to offer?" my companion asks, his voice hoarse and thick. He chuckles, still occupied with pleasing himself.

I swallow and follow the movement of his hand with my eyes; up and down, up and down... "I ah, have to admit that I am intrigued by the size of your organ, my king." I mean, his hand doesn't even fully close around it. "_Very_ intrigued." And hot. Whew! I fan my face with my hands.

The man grins lustfully, tapping his upper leg. "Come."

"That's your job." But I do take a seat on the spot indicated, one arm draped around his shoulders. So much more comfortable than all that hard metal. His free hand brings my face closer to his for a kiss, a kiss that is smooth and sterile. Not sexy.

"That wasn't as pleasant as I thought it would be," Cailan muses when our mouths detach. He thoughtfully smacks his lips.

I shrug. "Maybe His Majesty is a very bad kisser. Doesn't matter though." Again my gaze shifts lower, to watch him wrestle with that ridiculously large member. It must be... I'm afraid to even venture a guess to the size of the thing. Why do I make these things up? And, worse yet, why does it arouse me so? Astoreth, you vile sex-fiend. I feel a strong urge to touch myself.

"Show me some skin," he suddenly demands.

Surely it won't hurt showing myself to a figment of my imagination. I imagine it's already seen it all. So I slowly unbutton my robes and some of the bodice underneath to partially bare my chest.

He sighs upon catching a glimpse of my breasts and extends his free hand towards me. "May I touch you, only a little?"

This is really on the borderline, but I can already feel my knees buckling. "Fine." I allow him to do what he wants, keeping my eyes on the stroking motions of his hand while the fingers of his other hand disappear into my robes. His fingers gently explore the curves of my breasts, sometimes eliciting a moan of appreciation from his lips.

"You can touch yourself too, if you want," he whispers. His voice is heavy with desire.

"Oh, but I don't want to miss a second of this." I keep on looking at how he plays with himself, his hand swiftly stroking, rubbing, squeezing his erection. Still, I can feel my button pulsating. It's been a while since I touched myself. It's been a while since I touched another. It's difficult to not jump on top of him and just _take_ him. I mean, look at him; he's so ready for me. And so big. I want to sink my teeth into him, make bloody scratches in his skin while we couple like beasts. But I shouldn't really... Argh, but I'm just so horny!

The only alternative would be to... Eh, why not? I slip my hand into my panties. Ah yes, it is as I suspected: I'm dripping wet. How could I not be, with a gorgeous man pleasuring himself right in front of me?

"Can't resist it, can you?" Cailan chuckles. Without warning he squeezes my nipple between his fingers just as I touch my button. My back arches and I whip back my head to utter a long-drawn moan. That felt _great_. "Struck the right cord." His voice is triumphant and a bit smug. I notice his hand has slowed down, his eyes mesmerized by my hand moving between my legs.

"Stay focused," I scold him. I'm not getting distracted by him, am I now? My middle and index finger are still busily tracing circles around this swollen little bump, sending little jolts of pleasure through my underbelly. Soon those jolts turn into veritable bolts of lightning, setting my body ablaze with ecstasy. I close my eyes and let my orgasm come over me. Somewhere I hear His Highness gasping and moaning.

When I open my eyes again, he's thankfully still playing with himself, staring at me with appreciative eyes. Good, I didn't miss anything.

"Good show," he breathes, his eyes falling shut. His hand moves quicker and quicker, so quickly now I can hardly see it. Then he bucks his hips upward with a load groan and stops his hand motions, gripping his member firmly around the middle. A quiver seems to travel through his body, starting at his feet and ending at the top of his head. First a few drops of whitish liquid come out of him, then the ejected drops turn into long squirts and finally into a slow trickle running down his hand. I swallow away the lump in my throat. That was... _spectacular_!

He opens his eyes and smiles at me. "Entertaining enough?" There are whitish drops and rivulets on his stomach, some even as high as his neck.

I return his smile. "Certainly." I remove my hand from my panties to look at my fingers. They're wet and wrinkled from all the moisture. When I bring my hand closer to my mouth, he snatches my wrist and sticks my fingers into his own mouth, slowly licking them clean. Sexy.

"Hand me my shirt, will you Warden?" He uses the garment to clean the stains from his body. Sighing contently, he folds his hands behind his head and leans deeper into his chair. "That was rather enjoyable. Let's do it again after I've recovered. You know," he says with a wink, "to combat the boredom."

Maker bless my filthy mind.

* * *

"Rise and shine, little Warden," I hear a man's voice. "Why does she have such a long name?" he mutters soon after.

"You can shorten it if you like, as long as you don't call me Ass," I mumble. "I don't take kindly to that." I open my eyes and rub the sleep out of them. That was an interesting dream. Alistair must've left me alone at some point, because I am no longer in his arms.

"Oh good, you're awake. Did you sleep well?" He's crouched down next to me, smiling brightly.

I sit up and yawn. "Yes, thanks." Looking around I see our camp is mostly dismantled; apparently they were all waiting for me. Morrigan, Sten and Leliana are waiting a distance away with Stubbs happily bouncing around them. I stand, swiftly enough to make me slightly dizzy. "You should've woken me earlier! I could've helped pack everything up you know."

"In your delicate condition?" Alistair chuckles and quickly rolls up my bedroll before stuffing it into my pack. Which he slings onto his own back.

"Come now, I can carry my own stuff. I'm pregnant, not disabled." Although I must admit, I like being pampered like this.

"The Chantry raised me to be a gentleman," he says solemnly. "I simply must do this. It's not so bad, is it?" With a chuckle he lightly pinches my cheek.

"Well, _no_. Thank you very much." I give him a quick hug before we catch up with the others and go on our way.

Redcliffe awaits us.

* * *

_And thus end Astoreth's exhilarating adventures in the exciting village of Lothering. Part 4, anyone? The reunion with Cullen's coming closer... Wondering why Bodahn and Sandal don't make an appearance? Check out my story _Treats and Petting_.  
_


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